Lately, I've been feeling really stagnant in regards to my content and I’ve been having such a hard time authentically creating. While I'm sure I've made many strides in the right direction a lot of the time it seems like I haven't made much progress because all I can see are the ideas I’ve come up with and none of the rewards at this point. I’ve almost forgotten what my purpose is in posting amidst all the pressures I’ve placed on myself in building my audience and trying to gain outside recognition.
I feel like the lack of ‘apparent’ success has forced me to focus too much on the end reward rather than the reason why I started my site in the first place. I get lost in the lack of followers or readership and it’s made me wonder if it's even worthwhile when all I truly wanted to do was create and put my art in one place. It seems as if I’m forgetting more than ever, now that I’m in the thick of things and a little over 6 months in.
I’ve started to care a lot more about people’s opinion than I thought I did because, while certain aspects of creating on a public stage are based on the audience and public opinion, it has been so easy to forget that I do this because I want to and not for accolades or recognition (though it would be nice). Through this platform I truly want to make an impact and I'm utilizing it as a means to place ‘weight back into words’. This site is my first step towards doing that, and the fashion, these looks are honestly just an added bonus, lol.
While I’ve had a few setbacks over the last few months that have slowed down my creative process, I am feeling a lot better about posting and knowing my time will come, even if I can’t see it at this very moment. I try to keep in mind that consistency is key and my main objective is ‘quality over quantity’ and that my 'quality' will eventually get the deserved ‘quantity’ in due time. I have to constantly remind myself that I don't blog or write for the recognition of others, but to produce quality content that inspires and gives insight into who I am as a person. Ultimately, I want to recognize myself, which I realize in states of ‘stagnancy’ I don’t often do. I write and share from a place that’s very pure and natural for me, I am most authentic self when I write, so trying to capitalize on that can sometimes cloud my judgment and place added pressures to be seen by others as someone worth reading or looking into. But I don't write to be seen, either you see it or you don't and that's the bottom line.
I feel like I forget this so much, but it's so easy to when every time you get on some form of social media it seems like everyone is accomplishing something and making new progress, but you. I just push to keep going in spite of what I may think others are accomplishing or if they are ‘surpassing’ me. Looking at everyone else’s movie reel, while your still cutting and editing can leave you warped, but in spite of that your process still counts. Now, there are some moments when I wish my shit would pop, like NOW and I finally have my moment to shine out in the open, but I just try to stay focused on the grind at hand and keep making content that's thought provoking and jointly eye catching. Movies take years, so who am I to think that my stuff would happen in 6 months?
I’d urge you, whether you’re a creative or not, to keep going and continue to pull from the space that’s most pure and true to you especially in moments of ‘stagnancy’. Those times when you feel ‘stagnant’ in your passion process are the times when you’re going to need to push through the most to get to the other side. You may not see everything, everything may feel like it’s at a standstill, and you might even feel like things aren’t happening quick enough, but the point is whether you see it or not, things ARE happening all the time. Focusing on the smallest accomplishments, may even make the future more tangible. I’m celebrating at this very moment putting this post up because lately I know posting has been a challenge and being able to finish IS an accomplishment knowing the recent challenges I’ve faced, so I’m gonna celebrate it. Every step, no matter how small, is going in the right direction towards a bigger purpose, and one I know is bigger than myself. Everything takes time, and while I’m telling myself this, I want to be sure to encourage other people to remember the same because I know how it feels. It’s hard conversation to have, but it’s very real and very much needed…
Take it from me, give yourself a break. We are all in the thick of thangs, so I know I ain’t the only one… As usual, I hope you’re inspired and continue to press on and through it, because it’s only a temporary moment in time...
Until next time…
Shearling Coat/Manière De Voir Top/H&M Jeans/Zara Boots/Zara